Something that is rarely talked about in the news and is rarely mentioned at all in fact is childhood bereavement. I believe that this is because unless you have gone through this, you cannot understand it. You can try and guess at what the child is going through but unless you are there in the moment it is an extremely hard thing to understand. When I was 5, exactly 3 month before my 6th birthday, my father sadly passed away. This wasn’t something unexpected, it wasn’t sudden. We had been preparing for this to happen since way before I was even born. That doesn’t mean that it was easier to understand or even accept. As a five year old I knew that something was off as soon as I got home. I think children can always feel the tone of the room even when they don’t know what is going on. I was sat down and told straight ‘ you know how daddy had a poorly head, well he’s died and gone to heaven’. For me this was to the point, upsetting but also clear. Something I would always suggest when telling a child that someone close has died is to never sugar coat it. This can be very confusing. I know that it is hard to be so, I guess, blunt about it but sugar coating it will only open up questions and create confusion along the line. As I had said my dad was very poorly for a very long time and so I knew that he was, it was never hidden from me making it less of a shock.
Bereavement for children is very different then for adults. As adults we know how to deal with our loss and we understand what death is a lot more than a child does. Death and everything about it is a foreign concept. The idea that someone is gone and unable to return is almost impossible and that’s why it makes it harder to understand. I spent a lot of my childhood trying to understand it and i spent a lot of time wondering why it happens. The main thing that I found hard as a child to understand was the concept of missing somebody. Usually you miss someone and then you eventually see them but when someone dies you have to learn to live with the fact that you miss them. I spent many nights crying or sleeping in my mums bed purely because I missed my dad but didn’t know that that was what was happening. Childhood bereavement can last for many years. Even to this day there are days where my heart sinks because my dad will never be there when I graduate, when I get married, when I have my child or just when I need him. But now as a 19 year old I understand that he had to go After many years I can talk openly about the man that is my father with ease and without confusion. As I have gotten older the reason that my father died got more complex and it went from ‘daddy had a poorly head’ to ‘he had a brain haemorrhage for many years’. As I got older not only did the reason get more complex but my ability to understand the reason got better and now I truly understand why he had to leave. Losing somebody so young is hard and can be a very confusing time but I can promise you it gets easier. You don’t forget them like people often assume and you don’t love them any less then people you lose later in life. They went when they had to go and as you get older you come to peace with that idea. I’m sorry if you have lost someone so young and I’m so sorry if you are in the position of telling a child they have lost someone dear to them. Its not an easy thing <3
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On the day of writing this it is 6 days before the 5th and I am shocked that it is already here. I cannot believe that it has been an entire year since you left us. So much has happened in this year it’s hard to fathom that you haven been here for any of that. A year ago we had just finished celebrating my birthday, you were at home and healthy...ish. as healthy as you could be given the circumstances. There was still hope but then things changed and you had to go and its taken me a long time to come to terms with that fact but I have and I understand now why you had to go so soon. You see I believe everything happens for a reason. My father died to give room for Graham. To give Graham the chance to be the best he could be. Father knew that I was safe and that Graham would look after me, he would teach me everything that needed to be taught and to show me what love is and what I deserve. Then Neil came along and Graham grew tired. He knew that we were safe I would look after you and make sure you were happy. And me? Well he knew that Neil would take over and he would take over that father figure place. He would finish what My father and then what Graham had started. So Graham knew that we were all safe and in good hands so he let go of this pain filled world and went on to what I hope is a much more comfortable place.
Now you. I couldn’t understand why you had to go. You were my forever best friend. You were there on the first day and I thought that you would be here a lot longer then you were. It confused me that you went so soon we often talked of the future and what will come with it and we always spoke like you would be there. You leaving made no sense to me I couldn’t understand why you left so soon and then it occurred to me in the weirdest of moments, whilst watching peter pan. Wendy says something along the lines of ‘oh but everyone has to grow up’ and that’s when it occurred to me. The reason that you had to leave me was because I was entering into adulthood and you were the last piece of my childhood to leave. And as sad as it is and as much as I will forevr miss you I know that you going meant that I had to grow up. That my childhood is well and truly over and you were a piece of that, that I had to let go of. Your memory however unlike the other pieces of my childhood will stay with me forever and as much as your voice will fade and I will forget exactly hw you walked and how your house smelt I will always remember you and you will always be a part of who I am. I’m still sad that you are gone but a piece of me finds peace in knowing that you are with Grandad and you are out of pain. I know I can never have you back here with me so until I see you again, goodbye my Jeanie <3 |
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Hi I'm Becky. I'm 19, studying computer science at University and i wanted a hobby. Welcome to my hobby <3 Archives |