On the 19th of August 2019 after being together for 18 months my boyfriend decided to pop the question and he couldn’t have picked a better time to do it. It was the most sentimental and perfect way to do for us and it is something I will never forget.
We had gone on holiday, kind of last minute, to Pontins Southport and the holiday wasn’t off to a great start. The place was highly rundown and the food was disgusting to say the least. It was the first night and we had planned to go down and watch the entertainment but by the time we had had been to the beach and had a lovely walk, one drink and sat through a group of screaming kids play party games we decided to call it a night and go back to the apartment. Back at the apartment we had a long soak in the bath talking about nothing and everything all at the same time, then sat on the sofa and watched Hollyoaks (yes, I even remember what we were watching) we sat there for hours just talking, not really watching anything. It was the most us way to be. It was at this point that my partner started to talk about potentially getting engaged. Me being the most oblivious person in the world did not thing in any way shape or form he would actually ask that day, but he did. He got down on one knee in front of the horrible leather sofa in the middle of the night, when it was only us two in the room and he asked me if I would marry him. It was obviously a yes straight away, well after questioning if it was a joke or not, and then we spent the rest of the night just talking about the same nothing and everything but with a little bit more meaning. This would have been a pretty dull holiday, most of the food was horrible and overpriced, nothing worked and there was no signal throughout the whole area that we were staying but the fact that we were very newly engaged meant that the holiday had almost a glaze over it. It was the happiest I have been in a very long time. We could have got engaged in front of our families during some big lavish event but that just isn't us. That would have stuck out like a sore thumb. Doing it when it was only us two, together, happy and in our element meant that I couldn’t be happier. I'm so glad that he didn’t wait for a more appropriate time and just did it when he felt he was ready to and I cannot wait to spend my life with someone who knows me so well.
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I have been overthinking since I was little. To this day I still do it however I have figured out how to control it and how to keep it at bay for as long as possible. I will overthink about anything. Starting a new job, school, going to the dentist, having a tooth out even small meeting or interviews. You name it I have probably over thought about it at some point.
There are loads of things that you can do to be able to keep these thoughts at bay. The one that I use the most and tend to stick to is putting things in place to stop the thoughts being able to enter your mind. This can be anything that will keep your mind busy. Something like a walk on your own or reading a book don’t help me because my mind tends to still wonder. I like to go out with people, even for a small drive, or do jobs around the house. I even will go down and just spend time with my family because sitting and talking to them keeps my mind from being able to wonder to whatever I'm trying to overthink. Something else that sometimes helps me is to think logically about something. a good thing to do is sit down and write down all the things that are going on in my head and then go through the list and think about how likely those things are to happen and what I could do if they were to. So, for example, yesterday I had a dentist appointment that I had to go to and I was massively overthinking it. I hate the dentist! I sat and I wrote down all the things that could happen. ‘they could want to take a tooth out right there and then’ so then I thought well how likely is that to happen when all of my teeth are in decent condition. The likely hood of that happening is slim to none and even if they need to better then then waiting even longer and having to overthink that. I went through everything that I had wrote on the list, it was a long list, and I thought about the logistics of the things. The further down the list I went the better I felt because I had put a logical stand to it. So, from then every time I started to overthink, I went back to the list and I remembered how unlikely the things are to happen. The one thing that I will always stand by is that you should never look up whatever you are overthinking. I used to do this so much and then I would just make things worse for myself. Sometimes I still do it and then I kick myself because I remember why I stopped. The internet isn't always true and it will always show you the worst-case scenario. If I had put ‘why should I go to the dentist’ into google today I am sure that one of the first things that came up would have been top 10 reasons why not to go to the dentist and it would have been all of the gruesome things that happen to the very unluckiest of people. Never google anything if you are overthinking! You will regret it. If you're overthinking an appointment the thing that I would suggest is to get it as close to the day as you can. If they can offer you tomorrow take it. I know it sounds crazy I used to think that leaving it till the last minute is better but honestly getting it done and out of the way is the best thing that you could ever do. You don’t even have chance to think let alone overthink. Appointments are one of the things that I overthink the most so making sure that I don’t leave long gaps once I know is the best thing. I used to hate having to wait 4 weeks to get my braces checked because I would overthink for the entire time. Overthinking is the bane of my life and I'm sure anyone else who does it will feel the same. All I can say is everything will be okay and whatever you are overthinking will be over before you know it. Try someone of the things that I have suggested and see if they work for you. Even if it's just for a little while or if it only helps a little. It's better than nothing :) Starting university was one of the most daunting experiences that I have ever had to deal with. What was I going to wear? What do I do if I get lost? What if I don’t make any friends? What if I hate my course after paying so much. There was a lot going on in my mind. Luckily It wasn’t as bad as I had worked it up to be in my head. First impressions? All I remember was the campus was massive! Luckily for me I was starting with a group of people that I had been with since college and so I wasn’t completely on my own. Finding the first room took not as long as I thought though and It didn’t take long for us to get a grasp of where nearly everywhere was. The whole fear of the unknown and the fact that I hate getting lost was something that I was dreading but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I really would have been a lot more scared and probably would have ended up being overwhelmed if I was on my own and I do really feel bad for the people who have traveled and have no idea who anyone is.
The one thing that I was concerned about was the amount of girls there would be in my course. I was petrified I was going to be the only one and that all eyes would be on me to be the perfect role model female. Computer science has always been this was for me and I was calmed by the time I walked into the lecture hall and saw a few females. Even though there were perhaps only 5 or 6 it was better then being the only one. The first week has made me genuinely exited for the weeks to come along with actually learning about the different parts of computer science. The feeling of anxiety around the course and the fact that I had no idea if I wanted to go or not has completely gone and all I feel is exited about learning about something I genuinely am passionate about. |
ABOUT ME
Hi I'm Becky. I'm 19, studying computer science at University and i wanted a hobby. Welcome to my hobby <3 Archives |